Monday, September 10, 2007

It Doesn't Seem Right

It doesn't seem right to come home from the hospital without Ethan. The last time we were in the hospital he'd never been home so we didn't know any different. This time, to come home to an empty crib is definately more unsettling.

I dropped Tim off at home around dinner time and my Dad watched the kids while my Mom and I went back up to the hospital after the evening shift change. It was definately harder seeing him tonight than earlier in the day. He is a lot more swollen and doesn't look like himself. He is also now running a fever (38.9c) which they say is not that uncommon if he is stressed. He is getting tylenol around the clock and will also be started on antibiotics tonight. The hardest part about tonight however was seeing him squirm around in discomfort. When he has the ventilator in there is no sound when he cries but you can tell he is crying. He quivers and draws up his arms and legs, his face turns purple, and his mouth is making the crying motion. It just breaks my heart. It is the hardest thing not being able to comfort him and actually feeling like I am aggitating him because he hears my voice and wants to be held. I know that he is still pretty drugged up (thank goodness) but this is when I get the most stressed and emotional.

They wanted to get him off the ventilator tonight but because he is still requiring more oxygen than they want, they are not going to take him off until the morning. I will be glad to get it out, however it might be even worse to hear him scream. They are starting him on a fentanyl drip for pain and mild sedation and will give him versed as needed if he gets too aggitated.

I can't thank all of you enough for your support and prayers. Again, feel free to share this site with anyone interested.



melanie said...

I've worked with a baby on a ventilator before, so I totally know what you mean about the silent crying. It's absolutely heartbreaking! I'm so sorry you have to see your little man that way, but just know that he probably has oodles of angels around him comforting him while no one else can.

The Gatherum Family said...

Hey Al,
Poor little guy, I am sorry you have to see him that way. You continue to be in our ghoughts and prayers. I am going to the temple and will put all of your names-especially Ethan's on the prayer roll. Let us know if we can do anything and when you get a chance, call me about Gavin and Thursday so we can work out the details. Love ya, Adrian

The Gatherum Family said...

so, i can't spell 'thoughts' so instead you are in our 'ghoughts' i guess...sorry :)